Fart Blog

Our story begins with a pause.  A look. A raising of ones eyebrow, like Spock. Then the sound of silence.  The sound of silence, but deadly. The wrestling of ones nostrils in the morning, before a long, eventful day.  Normally, our day would begin while awakening from a dream (a dream of ass-death!) and just before our eyes are able to open, we allow our rectum a slight emergence.  Emergence with a bang! Kick, pow, diddy-boom in the ass-face!  The dogs would normally hear this as a signal of the Overlord’s arrival to the day, raise their heads and perk up their ears in anticipation of their master’s long winded return to reality.  But not today….  not the day of our journey.

Today, we wake with a silent explosion of ass-guilt.  Ass guilt? Yes, your ass has guilt.  Your ass must find some reason to live, a purpose, I suppose.  If it can’t live up to your expectations, it feels guilty and ashamed.  After a day of less-then-stellar explosions, possibly with noise, but definitely without any good “linger factor” or rancid odor, you may wake with ass-guilt.  Usually an overabundance of bacteria have wreaked havoc on your ass, and with the wrong stretch of a butt cheek, your ass “rear’s it ugly head”, not its pretty one.  You are left with the stink of a decade!  A silent, fart sack filling, behemoth of stink.  The dogs don’t jump to the usual morning alarm of fart noise, but the nose wrenching aroma of ASS-GUILT!

The dogs started walking around the bed, smelling around the blankets.  They found my butt, of course.  Immediatly after I get that look, “Yep, that’s Dad! I know that smell!”  So I let it linger for a few minutes while I rub my eyes and wake to the new day.

This is a new day, and each day is an odyssey of farts.  Let’s start counting….

more to come. 🙂