Fart Blog

Submitted by a fellow Ninja:

My buddy Dave and I were driving to his house from the mall several years back. He was riding shotgun and ripped a nasty fart. I cussed him out and rolled down my window. Now this guy has always been able so squeez one out on command, so he ripps another just to piss me off. He keeps doing this and is cracking up the whole time because i’m getting furious. I mean after a few minutes the whole car smelled like ass. His laughter was making him fart more for some reason and he just wouldn’t stop for like 10 minutes. Finally he settles down and says he feels sick and puts a hand down his pants to inspect his stink hole. Well we get to his house and he just jumps out of the car and runs in the house. I wait outside for a while and then go in to see whats going on. I walked into his room and his pants with boxers inside were on the floor and there was a huge wet circle on the back. I ran out to my car and there was a damp circle in my passenger seat and it smelled like butt water. This bastard was trying so hard to fart that he started squirting water out of his ass. And yeah I made that shit head clean my car seat after he shamefully came out of the bathroom.

(Shared by a fellow Ninja)

I get to my seat, and I share the section w/ an elderly couple that were probably in their mid to late 70’s.
I smiled, said hello, and sat right beside the lady.
About half way through the flight, I started smelling a VERY foul odor.
I stealthfully use my ninja skills to make sure it wasn’t me, and looked around @ people to see who would look guilty of cracking one loose.
But realized shortly after, that it came from the seat beside me.
I thought to myself…….
“I bet she just shit herself and hasn’t realized it yet.”

Sure enough, about a half hour later…..
They decide they both need to go to the bathroom.
I kindly stood up and let them pass, and got back in the seat.
The old man says, “Sorry, but I need to get something out of the overhead compartment.”
So I scoot over to the seat where the lady was sitting to give them a bit of room, and as soon as my hand touched her seat, the cushion felt a little bit moist.

Needless to say, I ran to the bathroom right after them and scrubbed my hands clean until they were red……LOL!!!

So…  I live in these stupid townhouses right now. People live pretty close by, and right out my bedroom window is a small, shared yard between the buildings. You can hear everything people say out there, especially at night.

We (Fartninja and, ummm, other person who shall remain nameless. I’ll call this person, OP.), OP and I, the Ninja, were heading up stairs to the bedroom to make the bed. We did laundry and had to tidy up. Well, during the strapping down of the sheets I bend way over to pick up the next item and RIPPED OUT this massive butt blaster. That thing rocked! It was a killer juice flapper! A hard one. You know? One of those awesome loud smackers? I was proud of the sound of that one man!

Moving on… I turned around to lay out the next sheet, knowing I was about to turn into my draft, and suddenly I caught a rancid stech that turned the inside of my nose out! Oh man! I was getting really serious about my “fart ego” here! But wait! AAAHHH!! THAT’S NOT MY STINK! OH NO!!!!!

IT WAS OP! HAHAHAHH!! “Oh crap that stinks!”, I said. Man, OP really busted my bubble. OP lit one off as a stealth bomber! That was the mother of all S-“B2”-D Bomber farts dude! That bastard was lazer guided to my dual pronged sorifice.

While we were in serious distress, I turned around quickly and opened the window. I had to poke my head out in between the blinds. I started laughing and yelling, quite loud, “OH MAN THAT STINKS! I THINK SOMETHING DIED IN YOUR ASS!”

And then… I saw them. “Oh, hello neighbors accross the yard.” I shut the blinds and closed the window, and went to bed. All the while, laughing so hard my belly hurt. Laughing at OP because, OP would now be the one known outside the next morning as the NINJA! The stinky FARTNINJA!

So, we started laughing about the nice production, and it turned out mine sucked! OP was the Ninja after all!