Fart Blog

Submitted by a fellow Ninja:

My buddy Dave and I were driving to his house from the mall several years back. He was riding shotgun and ripped a nasty fart. I cussed him out and rolled down my window. Now this guy has always been able so squeez one out on command, so he ripps another just to piss me off. He keeps doing this and is cracking up the whole time because i’m getting furious. I mean after a few minutes the whole car smelled like ass. His laughter was making him fart more for some reason and he just wouldn’t stop for like 10 minutes. Finally he settles down and says he feels sick and puts a hand down his pants to inspect his stink hole. Well we get to his house and he just jumps out of the car and runs in the house. I wait outside for a while and then go in to see whats going on. I walked into his room and his pants with boxers inside were on the floor and there was a huge wet circle on the back. I ran out to my car and there was a damp circle in my passenger seat and it smelled like butt water. This bastard was trying so hard to fart that he started squirting water out of his ass. And yeah I made that shit head clean my car seat after he shamefully came out of the bathroom.

So…  I live in these stupid townhouses right now. People live pretty close by, and right out my bedroom window is a small, shared yard between the buildings. You can hear everything people say out there, especially at night.

We (Fartninja and, ummm, other person who shall remain nameless. I’ll call this person, OP.), OP and I, the Ninja, were heading up stairs to the bedroom to make the bed. We did laundry and had to tidy up. Well, during the strapping down of the sheets I bend way over to pick up the next item and RIPPED OUT this massive butt blaster. That thing rocked! It was a killer juice flapper! A hard one. You know? One of those awesome loud smackers? I was proud of the sound of that one man!

Moving on… I turned around to lay out the next sheet, knowing I was about to turn into my draft, and suddenly I caught a rancid stech that turned the inside of my nose out! Oh man! I was getting really serious about my “fart ego” here! But wait! AAAHHH!! THAT’S NOT MY STINK! OH NO!!!!!

IT WAS OP! HAHAHAHH!! “Oh crap that stinks!”, I said. Man, OP really busted my bubble. OP lit one off as a stealth bomber! That was the mother of all S-“B2”-D Bomber farts dude! That bastard was lazer guided to my dual pronged sorifice.

While we were in serious distress, I turned around quickly and opened the window. I had to poke my head out in between the blinds. I started laughing and yelling, quite loud, “OH MAN THAT STINKS! I THINK SOMETHING DIED IN YOUR ASS!”

And then… I saw them. “Oh, hello neighbors accross the yard.” I shut the blinds and closed the window, and went to bed. All the while, laughing so hard my belly hurt. Laughing at OP because, OP would now be the one known outside the next morning as the NINJA! The stinky FARTNINJA!

So, we started laughing about the nice production, and it turned out mine sucked! OP was the Ninja after all!

I was setting up my Adsense ads for Google and I saw an ad for “Butt Crack In a Bottle!” YESSSSS!! That rocks! That’s perfect!  Squirt your fart butt crack stink!

I haven’t thoroughly checked out their site, but that’s just great. What a great slogan! Or product name! I am jealous!

I have had several stink bombs over the years, and they just don’t quite smell right. They do stink, that’s for sure. However, they have a “produced” smell too. Maybe it’s the same stuff they put in our food to make is last longer. ??? Iduno. Anyway, I used to have a spray, it worked ok in bathroom.

I think my favorite was this little glass bottle that looked like a perfume sample. I didn’t like the fact that I left a hunk of glass laying around, but you could easily drop it and step on it to break open, without anyone noticing. So, I could be in a public building, in a busy hallway and drop a stink bomb. NICE!

I havent done that since High School, but I do remember the laughs over that one! I did it in the lunch room, maybe 150 kids sitting eating their lunch, and BAM! The Emeral Assegeddon hits!

Oh well, memories… Check out Butt Crack in a Bottle.