Fart Blog

So…  I live in these stupid townhouses right now. People live pretty close by, and right out my bedroom window is a small, shared yard between the buildings. You can hear everything people say out there, especially at night.

We (Fartninja and, ummm, other person who shall remain nameless. I’ll call this person, OP.), OP and I, the Ninja, were heading up stairs to the bedroom to make the bed. We did laundry and had to tidy up. Well, during the strapping down of the sheets I bend way over to pick up the next item and RIPPED OUT this massive butt blaster. That thing rocked! It was a killer juice flapper! A hard one. You know? One of those awesome loud smackers? I was proud of the sound of that one man!

Moving on… I turned around to lay out the next sheet, knowing I was about to turn into my draft, and suddenly I caught a rancid stech that turned the inside of my nose out! Oh man! I was getting really serious about my “fart ego” here! But wait! AAAHHH!! THAT’S NOT MY STINK! OH NO!!!!!

IT WAS OP! HAHAHAHH!! “Oh crap that stinks!”, I said. Man, OP really busted my bubble. OP lit one off as a stealth bomber! That was the mother of all S-“B2”-D Bomber farts dude! That bastard was lazer guided to my dual pronged sorifice.

While we were in serious distress, I turned around quickly and opened the window. I had to poke my head out in between the blinds. I started laughing and yelling, quite loud, “OH MAN THAT STINKS! I THINK SOMETHING DIED IN YOUR ASS!”

And then… I saw them. “Oh, hello neighbors accross the yard.” I shut the blinds and closed the window, and went to bed. All the while, laughing so hard my belly hurt. Laughing at OP because, OP would now be the one known outside the next morning as the NINJA! The stinky FARTNINJA!

So, we started laughing about the nice production, and it turned out mine sucked! OP was the Ninja after all!

I was setting up my Adsense ads for Google and I saw an ad for “Butt Crack In a Bottle!” YESSSSS!! That rocks! That’s perfect!  Squirt your fart butt crack stink!

I haven’t thoroughly checked out their site, but that’s just great. What a great slogan! Or product name! I am jealous!

I have had several stink bombs over the years, and they just don’t quite smell right. They do stink, that’s for sure. However, they have a “produced” smell too. Maybe it’s the same stuff they put in our food to make is last longer. ??? Iduno. Anyway, I used to have a spray, it worked ok in bathroom.

I think my favorite was this little glass bottle that looked like a perfume sample. I didn’t like the fact that I left a hunk of glass laying around, but you could easily drop it and step on it to break open, without anyone noticing. So, I could be in a public building, in a busy hallway and drop a stink bomb. NICE!

I havent done that since High School, but I do remember the laughs over that one! I did it in the lunch room, maybe 150 kids sitting eating their lunch, and BAM! The Emeral Assegeddon hits!

Oh well, memories… Check out Butt Crack in a Bottle.